Meme Madness
by OXYCODONEFROG
Summary: What would happen if Soul Eater crossed paths with various Internet Memes? Even I don't know! Crack-ish. Possible AU. Maka is Spartacus, Crona finds a pair of sunglasses, and Excalibur drives Medusa to despair. Rated T for language and themes.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, everybody! OXYCODONEFROG here, along with my backup account, HydrocodoneFog. This is a slight deviation from Crona and Patty Sittin' in a Tree, but let me explain.

This fic right here is basically applying various memes to Soul Eater. You, the reader, can help. PM me an idea, and I'll try to write it up.

However, some ground rules need to be set.

1.) The meme cannot be racist, sexist, etc.

2.) The meme cannot be directed against an individual. That is to say, it cannot name names. "Annoying Facebook Girl," "Scumbag Steven," and "Good Guy Greg" are okay; contrary, using full names (IE: John Doe, Jane Dame) is not allowed.

3.) The meme should be rather well-known. Obscure memes may be used, but more well-known memes will be used much more often, as it would be easier to write about something that almost everybody knows.

4.) Try to keep the memes in good taste.

5.) Anime continuity will be used more often than manga continuity, but both will be included, so don't worry.

6.) Don't get pissy when these chapters end up being short.

7.) Have fun :)

8.) Kid forced me at gunpoint to include an eighth rule.

The chapter after this one will serve as a basic guide to how the story will work.


	2. 300 Makas

All right, we've got one of the most famous memes to tackle today, so let's not waste any more time than necessary.

… Actually, that would be a contraindication, as memes are wastes of times.

Here we go!

/ / /

Maka groaned as she forced her broken body to stand once more. Every single movement caused her a near-intolerable amount of pain. Of course, getting curb-stomped by the ultimate personification of insanity generally creates horrible agony. She panted, clutching her broken arm and casted a glare at Asura, who gazed at her with amusement.

"Give it up, little girl," He said. "If you couldn't defeat me with your weapon, then you have absolutely no chance of doing it now."

Maka gritted her teeth, infuriated by the deity's snide comment. "S-shut up!" she hissed, wiping a small trickle of blood out of her eye.

Asura just grinned, raising his arms up slightly. "Come on, give it up. If you quit now, I promise to not harm you and your friends any further." He then cackled slightly. "But of course, you don't believe me. After all, the final result of any of your efforts is madness!"

At this, Maka started to stumble towards the Kishin. He blinked; smile falling off of his face. "What?"

"Madness…" She hissed in reply. Maka's head then snapped up.

"THIS!" The stumbling progressed into running, then sprinting.

"IS!" Asura's eyes widened, panic starting to seep through his addled brain.

"SHIBUSEN!" Maka roared, blasting her fist directly through the Kishin's noggin. There was a pause, in which Maka's smoking fist occupied the space that once belonged to a head. Then, ever so slowly, Asura's headless body tumbled backward, falling off of a cliff.

She panted, smiling as Asura's barrier started to disintegrate, signaling the end of the madness wavelength. This smile then turned into a contemplative frown as one important question entered her mind.

_"Where did that come from?"_

fin

/ / /

Well, there you all go: One steaming pile of Shi-

Maka: SHIBUSEN!

(punches noggin off)

Next Time: Crona gets a pair of sunglasses! Can he deal with it?


	3. Deal w It

Okay, I thought I'd post this chapter right now, as I will be on vacation next week. Sorry if it seems a bit rushed. If I find any errors in this chapter, I'll fix them as soon as I get back! Till then, cold and rocky beaches for me! Huzzah!

Okay, and onward!

/ / /

Crona sighed, staring up at the ceiling from the sofa he was resting on. "Doctor Stein… I don't think that this is really working…"

Stein blinked, looking at Crona over a clipboard. "Crona, we've been having these hour-long sessions every week for almost two months. Therapy takes time to work. Are the meds working?"

He glanced over at the doctor. "Sort of… I mean, it's easier to socialize with everybody, and I'm sleeping better… but I still have lots of panic attacks… Its better, but I don't think that the therapy is working at all…"

Stein frowned. "Meds alone can help, true, but therapy is generally more effective. It just takes a lot of time…" He sighed. "Okay, lets try something different. Have you ever heard about personas?"

Crona's brows furrowed. "Um… I think I may have heard it once before… But if I did, I can't remember… What is it?"

"In a nutshell, personas are the masks we show to other people. Personas are the various ways you interact with other people. That's the thing: everybody has multiple personas. You, however, seem to have only one or two. This creates a massive amount of strain, leading to some of your symptoms."

"So, what should I do?" Crona asked. "How do I fix this problem?"

Stein glanced up at a clock. "Buy some shades. Now, shoo!" he flapped his hands at the disconcerted teen. "Times up!"

/ / /

"Hey, Soul… Have you seen Crona today?"

Soul sighed, glancing over at his Meister. "No. Why?"

Maka pouted slightly. "Crona's normally the first one in class… And he's gone! He'd tell me if he was sick or something! Do you think he is okay?"

"Maka, I'm sure Crona's just having a good time…" Soul started. "There is absolutely, positively nothing wrong with –"

Soul was interrupted as a loud, rhythmic booming emanated from the hallway. Said booming migrated into the classroom, causing everyone to look at the source of the disturbance.

Crona was strutting down the aisle, dressed in a loose-fitting tee shirt, saggy jeans, and dirty sneakers. He had gold chains dangling from his neck, which complemented an awesome pair of pitch-black sunglasses. Covering his head was an electric-blue hat, tilted to the side. Perched over his left shoulder was a…

"Boom box…?" Ox said bewilderedly.

"The hell?" asked Liz, dropping her nail file.

"Coooooooooooooooool…" Patty said, causing Soul to shout something about copyright infringement.

Kim scoffed. "A boom box? Really? That's so-"

"Two-thousand-and-late." Jackie finished, high-fiving Kim.

Kilik groaned, slamming his head onto the desk. "Fire, Thunder," he said, voice slightly muffled. "Please kill me."

Kid gaped in horror. "S-Such blatant asymmetry!" he squealed, before emitting a blinding light and exploding. For some reason, the shockwave he emitted blasted all of Maka's clothes off, causing her to scream and jump out of a window.

"KID!" shrieked the Thompson sisters.

"MAKA!" Soul bellowed.

"TOAST!" Black*Star roared, before attempting to eat his desk. It failed, leaving him with broken teeth and tongue splinters. Everybody looked at him for a really long time before refocusing their attention on Crona.

"Crona… What. The. Hell?" Tsubaki asked. "You made Kilik suicidal, turned Kim and Jackie into stereotypical Beverly Hills idiots, caused Patty to violate a copyright, blew Kid up, ruined Black*Star's mouth, and stripped Maka's clothes off. Seriously, that is not cool."

"OI!" Soul screamed. "THAT'S MY F***ING LINE, YOU B*TCH!"

Crona raised his head to look at everyone. "Yeah, I did. Now…" He shoved his right hand into one of his pockets, pulling out another pair of sunglasses. Slowly, he exchanged the two sunglasses, putting the ones he was wearing into his jeans.

"Deal with it."

_fin_

/ / /

Not sure if abomination, or just horrible…

Anyway, Crona reinvented himself! Don't worry, though: he'll be back to his normal, neurotic self soon enough.

Reviews are a pleasant surprise, so feel free to leave one if you have the time!

Next Time: Blair has a hangover! Will Maka's "Study Aids" help her feel better?


	4. Chapter 4: Nyan Blair

Wow, my CronaXPatty fic was finally updated, and then this comes barreling down the pike.

Hooray for faster updates! Well, not really… I wasn't able to update this for exactly two weeks, as I was on vacation, and then had to deal with various obligations.

But I digress. Now, what will happen to Blair as she wakes up to a brutal hangover?

Disclaimer: Since I've been forgetting to do this, let me say now that I do NOT own Soul Eater. And for this chapter only, I also do not own Vitamin Water, Everclear, and/or Pop-Tarts. Also, this fic does NOT condone the use of alcohol in minors, and does not condone incest and/or the use of controlled substances for academic reasons.

Kids, follow your area's drinking laws to the letter, mmkay? And, if you are prescribed a stimulant, don't share it and take it as directed. Drugs are not bad, but they can corrupt people in the blink of an eye.

Onward!

/ / /

According to Vitamin Water Zero: Rise: only six percent of the general population falls into the "morning person" category. Blair certainly wasn't a morning person/cat hybrid, as most people and cats are. She'd usually go to sleep around one in the morning and wake up exactly twelve hours later. Today was different, however, as our favorite kitty woke up with the hangover from hell. Also, she was stuck in a giant Pop-Tart.

"Nya…" she rasped, agonized by how loud and bright everything seemed. "Damn… What happened last night?"

_-f/b-_

_ To commemorate Maka's victory over Asura, Blair decided to throw the pigtailed meister a surprise party. She had invited everybody from her resonance team and Crona to come. The latter was thrown in, as Blair suspected the two were crushing on each other. Since Maka wouldn't be showing up for another two hours (Death-Scythe was in on the plans, and had dragged his daughter out of town for the day), Blair tried to direct everybody. Liz and Tsubaki rearranged the living room, Crona and Patty were put in charge of cleaning, Kid was told to wrap the presents, and, oddly enough, Soul and Black*Star volunteered to cook. Blair herself monitored their progress._

_ Alas, not everything ran smoothly. Kid was having mental breakdowns from how asymmetrical some of the gifts were, Patty was rolling on the floor laughing at her meister's angst, Crona was being harassed by Ragnarok, Liz was panicking due to a broken nail, and Tsubaki was paralyzed, unable to decide which matter took prescience. Blair groaned, feeling a headache starting to take root. "Ugh… This is a disaster… Blair needs a drink…"_

_ Blair dejectedly made her way into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door and grabbing the bottle of Everclear. Before she could take a drink, Soul spoke up from behind her. "Oi, Blair. What's going on with everybody else?"_

_ She jumped, startled out of her depressive stupor by the scythe's voice. "Nothing good…"_

_ Black*Star's loud, obnoxious voice cut off the cat's despairing rambling. "Ha, ha, ha! Never fear, citizen! The great Black*Star is here to help, unlike these other slackers! Behold, the fruits of our labor!" He then grabbed the cat roughly, causing her to yowl, and held her above the "fruits of our labor." _

_ Freshly-cut greens, boiling pots of soup, and white mounds of flour littered the kitchen. Blair instantly perked up at this, before swiveling her head around to look at her captor. "Nya? Smells good…" She then peered into the oven, curious at what was baking within. "What's that?"_

_ "Giant strawberry Pop-Tarts."_

_ Blair blinked. "… why?"_

_ "Why not?" the two boys responded simultaneously. _

_ Slowly, the cat broke into a grin. "Well, if you have the time, would you two mix up a bowl of punch or something? Hopefully refreshments will motivate everybody else…" Blair then sighed, before loping out of the kitchen. The two teens stared after the cat, before looking at each other._

_ "Well," Soul started. "Better hurry up on that punch, I guess."_

_ Black*Star broke into an evil grin. "Hey, Soul! Blair left the Everclear behind!"_

_ Soul moaned at this, slamming his head against a cupboard. "Black*Star… I know that its utterly useless to try to dissuade you from doing this, but-"_

_ "Too late!" The ninja sang, dumping the bottles entire content into the punch bowl._

_/ / /_

_ As soon as Maka entered her apartment, she instantly regretted leaving the building unattended. For, as soon as she opened the door, a raucous mess greeted her._

_ Everything that wasn't bolted to the floor was tipped over, along with a fair few of the occupants. The Thompson sisters were making out with each other, while a disheveled Tsubaki cheered them on. Ragnarok and Crona were perched on a coffee table, singing the Canadian National Anthem. For some odd, unknown reason, the latter was playing a harmonica. Kid was passed out in his own excrement, twitching feebly on occasion. Blair, in cat form, was in the midst of eating through a giant Strawberry Pop-Tart, with a terrified Soul and Black*Star watching. _

_ Maka blinked, before glaring at the only two sober partygoers. "I will kill both of you tomorrow in the most violent, painful manner possible. I'm going to bed!" The pissed-off bookworm stomped toward her room and slammed the door, locking it afterward. _

_ Soul gulped, before looking at the mess surrounding him. "Well, who here can still write? I need to get my will dictated."_

_ A purring Liz then tackled the scythe, forcing him to the ground. "Mmmm, I want to be dictated…"_

_-f/b-_

Blair shuddered inside her Pop-Tart, dreading the fate that befell Soul. "Ugh… I really should apologize to Maka…" Her stomach then rumbled unpleasantly, causing her to wince. "Nya… I'd better hurry…"

And so Blair's treacherous journey began. Slowly, she walked past Crona (who was shivering in the fireplace), leaped over the Thompson sisters and Tsubaki (who were lying in a puddle of something unspeakably vile), clucked at Soul's continuing nosebleed, before walking into Maka's door. She cursed, grabbing her bruised nose, before magicking the door open.

"Nya? Hello? Maka?" she rasped, wincing again as her intestines jerked around. "I wanted to apolo-"

Blair was cut off by Maka's gentle snoring. The cat blinked, before leaping up and gently poking the girl's skull with her paw. "Nya? Maka? Are you awake?" Blair's only response was a small grunt, before the snoring resumed. Blair gazed at her, before looking at the desk, which was littered with textbooks, complex equations, and various essays. "Poor girl… She must've exhausted herself from all this studying… Hmm?"

Blair then noticed an amber bottle lying by the desk lamp. Curious, Blair walked over to it, picking it up in her paws to get a better look. "Adderall?" She mused, listening to the pills rattle against each other. "What's this? Is Maka taking sleeping pills? What does this do?"

Alas, Blair never heard the adage about what happened to curious cats. "Well, it might help with this hangover and Blair's nasty tummy ache, so…" She used her magic to pop the bottles lid, before dry-swallowing the amphetamine complex. She paused, waiting for her hangover to clear up. Sadly, the only thing she felt were her bowels going into violent spasms. "Oh shit!" she yowled, knowing that she wouldn't make it to the bathroom in time.

It was here, however, that the Adderall took effect. Blair's eyes gleamed with an unhallowed light and she started to say "nya" over and over again in a most irritating manner. Suddenly, with a loud rumbling echoed in the small bedroom, before Blair had an explosion of rainbow-like diarrhea, which punched through part of her Pop-Tart and propelled her through the roof, streaking to the heavens.

Maka's eyes snapped open, whipping her head up to look at the hole in the ceiling. She then noticed that a large portion of the room and her was covered in smelly rainbows. Maka blinked, before opening her Adderall bottle and counting the pills. For a few moments, the only movement in the meister's room was bits and pieces of plaster floating down from the ruined ceiling. Maka then glared, tilting her head back and roaring her anger.

"BLAIR!"

/ / /

Okay, and we're done with this rainbow-shit pile.

Wow, this chapter was pretty long… I didn't think that any of these stories would exceed one thousand words, but I guess I was wrong.

As always, meme ideas and reviews are greatly appreciated, alongside constructive criticism.

Also… Please do NOT attempt to recreate any of the stunts in this chapter. Well, the giant Pop-Tart is okay, but don't try anything else.

Blair: Review, and I won't crap on you! (Continues Nyan through space).

Next Time: Camping in the Great Outdoors! Spirit encounters a Double-Rainbow?


	5. Chapter 5: Spirit's Double Rainbow

Hello, everybody! OXY is back!

***Empty water bottle thrown at head***

Well, not getting butchered in these Author Notes is a start.

Anyway, I digress. Spirit decides to go on an "Albarn Camping Trip!" The destination: Yosemite National Park. What will happen when a storm hits? What will the aftermath be? Read to find out!

Thanks to Rin Akiyama for the meme suggestion. Yes, I actually DID get this up within the two-month grace period. Thanks also to epicninjas for kicking my ass in gear.

Disclaimer 1: I do not own Soul Eater or the Double Rainbow meme. There are many other things in this fic that I do not own, but I'm going to list them in the end Author's Note. I don't want to give away anything, now do I?

WARNING: This chapter was written when I was having severe anxiety/panic attacks about applying for my Driver's License. Yes, I know, it is a stupid thing to freak out about, but try telling that to subconscious. So, if things seem a bit rushed, it is because of anxiety. If things are bizarre, it is because of the anti-anxiety meds.

Le Gasp!

/ / /

Maka growled, glaring at her father. "I hate you. So. Much."

"But Maka!" whined Spirit. "I just wanted to go on a family camping trip!"

The only response the Death-Scythe got from his daughter was a very deep and very angry growly.

It had been like this for well over seven hours. Spirit decided that he wanted to go on an "Albarn Camping Trip," just like the old times. Unfortunately, Kami was on the other side of the world (and still wouldn't go if she could), and Maka wouldn't go anywhere near the idiot.

Alas, said idiot was not deterred so easily. Spirit had anticipated his daughter's refusal, and had created a highly illegal plot. The pervy Death-Scythe had somehow managed to get Maka to go on another date with him. When she wasn't paying attention to him (which was pretty much the whole time), Spirit had slipped some horse tranquilizers into his daughter's food. Within minutes, Maka had been O.H.K.O'ed, giving Spirit the perfect opportunity. He dragged her into his van (not like that, you wanky perverts!), sped to her apartment, packed her bags, tossed them into the back of the van, and sped off to their 'Final Destination.'

Needless to say, Maka was not pleased after she had regained consciousness. She stopped trying to beat her father to death (which was going quite well), after they almost crashed into an oncoming semi truck. Maka conceded that since she didn't have enough money on her to get a cab back to Death City, and didn't have a driver's license, it would probably be for the best if she humored her dumbass father.

"How much longer?" Maka asked, still refusing to look at her father.

This shot Spirit into paroxysms of grief, but he almost instantly recovered when he saw something up ahead. "Not much longer, daughter dearest! We're actually here!"

"Joy," Maka grumbled. "I hope you get eaten by a bear, Papa (note that she actually wanted to go to Yosemite National Park for some time now, but throw her father in…).

"Oh Maka," Spirit laughed. "Only Yogi Bear and his friends live here! And they don't eat humans; only their picnic baskets!" He then leaned over and ruffled Maka's hair affectionately.

She smacked his hand away, turning to level a mountain-obliterating glare at him. "Don't touch me. Besides, you're reasoning is faulty on many levels. For one thing, Yogi lives in Jellystone Park, not Yosemite. There are many other issues besides the one I just said, but the biggest one is this: Yogi Bear is _fictional._ He doesn't exist."

Maka then slammed the door on her stunned father, the weather starting to reflect her mood. He didn't mind his daughter's rudeness (he never did, really), as the horrible truth penetrated his dense skull.

"Yogi Bear… Is fake?"

/ / /

Spirit's eyes snapped open as he jerked himself out of a horrible nightmare involving Stein, a butter knife, and a graphing calculator. The Death Scythe shot up, gasping rapidly for air as he made the transition from dream to reality. Eventually, after several minutes, Spirit was able to progressively normalize his breathing pattern. He wiped his brow and made a 'whoof' of relief. "Damn. That was terrifying! Well, it was only a dream. Stein can't get me here!" He laughed arrogantly, putting one of his hands out behind him.

His merriment was not to last.

Spirit's laughter cut off as his hand landed to rest on something abnormal… He frowned, wondering what exactly his hand was touching. _"Wait… Wet? Furry? Warm? What the hell is this?"_ Slowly, with his free hand, the Death-Scythe grabbed a portable lantern next to him and flipped the switch.

A sudden flash from the lantern revealed the mystery. Spirit stared at it for a few moments, stunned by the grotesque abomination in front of him. After the shock wore off, Spirit did what almost anybody would do in that same situation; he screamed.

He screamed, for the object he had fondled was a _bloody, severed horse head with a giant screw driven through its skull!"_

/ / /

"Okay everybody! I think it's safe to come out now!" Maka whispered, illuminating the insides of the tent with the dim beam of a flashlight. Moments filled with absolutely nothing passed. She frowned, wondering what was taking them so long. "Um… You all can come out now…"

Not even a second after the last word was uttered; a much brighter flash of yellow and pink once again illuminated the tent. The auras lost their brightness as they manifested into their physical forms. These auras faded completely, revealing Tsubaki and the Thompson sisters.

" 'Bout time…" Liz grumbled. "Damn, I hate how stiff I get when I've been in weapon form for too long."

Tsubaki blinked, peering at Liz through the weak lighting provided by the flashlight. "Um… It's not that bad… I've had to be a knife for almost a day when Black*Star went on a caffeine-induced training binge…"

Liz just glared at the other weapon, cowing her immediately. "Oi, I'm trying to complain here. You're not helping."

Patty laughed, grinning cheekily at Maka. "Kya ha ha! That was awesome! You really pulled the wool over your father's eyes!"

At this, Maka smiled in a somewhat manic fashion. "Of course I did!" She then laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of her head. "Ha, but it's nothing special… Anybody can fool Papa. I remember how he once lost his wallet to a rock…"

"A rock?" The three weapon girls queried.

"Don't ask. Please." Maka said with a grimace.

Patty blinked, then shrugged. "Alright, whatever you say Maka! Say, tell us again about how you outsmarted your father!"

"Patty, we were there, remember?" Liz asked, knocking lightly on her younger sister's skull.

"Aw, come on!" Patty whined, pouting slightly. "It's for the sake of the audience! They don't know how we got here!"

Patty's statement was met with crushing silence as the other girls stared at her. She blinked, confused as to why her friends were acting this way. "Come on," she goaded. "The audience needs to know how we got here!"

Suddenly, a large thunderbolt rent the sky and detonated with an earth-shaking explosion. The girls screamed, huddling close together in fright.

"Wh-what was that!" Patty screamed, clutching her older sister in a backbreaking hug.

Tsubaki gasped. "Patty! The fourth wall! You broke it!"

And so she had. With a sudden fart-like noise, the two tents flew up into the air and unceremoniously deposited their occupants on the ground. Spirit squawked when he hit the ground, fortunately awakening him from his horrible nightmares. His joy at finally waking up evaporated almost instantly when he saw the four girls next to him.

"MAKA!" Spirit roared, jumping up to his feet and waving his fists above his head like the crazy person he was. "WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE!"

"Oh dear…" Liz said. Patty flipped the bird at the psycho, and Tsubaki just put her hands over her mouth.

Maka growled. "Hey, don't get all pissed now! I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to conspire against you considering you 'effing KIDNAPPED me!" Her friends nodded in agreement, shrinking away from the negative energy rolling off of Maka.

"Um… Everybody?" Tsubaki called, only to get no response from the warring duo. She sighed, before turning to look at Patty. "Say, Patty… Could you do me a favor and get their attention?"

Patty donned an evil grin. "Yes ma'am!" She crowed, before grabbing a rock off of the ground and chucking at Spirit's head. The speeding projectile smashed into the dope's head, causing him to make an odd noise and fall to the ground. Now, this didn't knock Spirit out; his skull had hardened to protect himself from the Shinigami Chops he received on a daily basis. It did, however, focus his attention on Maka's friends.

"What!" He hissed, rubbing his now-bruised noggin.

Tsubaki stared at him. "Mr. Albarn, um, you might want to save the telling-off for later…"

Spirit just glared at her. "Why?"

An ominous creaking was heard throughout the area, as a portal ripped open high up in the sky. Black storm clouds billowed out of it, releasing torrential rains and massive bolts of blue-white lightning. "The fourth wall has been broken."

And with those words, the quintet was plunged into the storm of the century.

/ / /

_elsewhere_

A farmer sighed dejectedly, gazing out at his withered crops. It had been well over two weeks without rain where the farmer lived, and his corn was all but dead. He groaned, grabbing his head in his hands. "Ruined… I'm ruined…"

His negative ruminations were cut off when a large drop of water hit him on the head. Blinking in confusion, the farmer looked up and gasped. A massive thunderstorm was approaching, and it was a really wet one! A shit-eating grin crossed the farmer's face, and he started to jump for joy and shout in ecstasy.

Just then, a clear portion of the sky tore open, revealing a multi-colored portal. The farmer blinked in confusion, confused by the oddity that had suddenly marred the sky. A wind started to pick up and, much to the horror and dismay of the farmer, the portal started to suck up the storm system. He shouted at it to "gimme mah water back, ya' damned thief!" Predictably, this utterance was completely ineffective, and the portal swallowed the storm within mere seconds.

The farmer stared up at the portal in despair and puzzlement, hoping that the storm would be regurgitated. It wasn't. Rather, the portal shrunk down into a small slip of paper, which gently floated to the ground. And imprinted on the slip was:

"_I.O.U"_

/ / /

It was well into the next afternoon when Spirit regained consciousness. With a groan, he managed to get wearily to his feet. "Ugh…" The Death-Scythe grunted. "Damn, I can't believe we survived last night… Wait, _we?"_

Spirit's head snapped around to survey the surrounding area. With a sudden jolt of horror, he noticed that Maka and her friends were gone. Spirit stood rooted to the spot, his mind going a mile a minute. Eventually, he hit on a fail-safe plan to find his beloved daughter. The plan was simple, really. In fact, the plan was only one word long. This one word long plan was, "Panic."

And that is what he did. With a primal shriek, Spirit started running without direction, the only thought on his mind was to find Maka. "_Is she behind that boulder?" _He ran around the rather large rock, only to be greeted by a complete lack of Maka. _"Is she under this boulder?"_ Using the massive amounts of adrenalin in his system to his advantage, Spirit lifted the boulder up above his head. He frowned. _"Still no Maka… Wait… What if she's in the rock?" _And so, the dope sprinted toward a cliff, carrying the boulder above his head. With a grunt, he threw the boulder down into the ravine. Spirit peered down expectantly at the falling rock, nearly wetting himself when the boulder fragmented upon contact with the far wall of the ravine. He actually did wet himself when he couldn't see anybody in the rubble left behind from the rock.

"SHIT!" He roared, raising his fists toward the heavens. "MAKA! WHERE ARE Y0u…" Spirit cut himself off when he spied something in the sky. He frowned, peering up at the sky. "Wait… is that…"

All thoughts about finding his daughter or her friends were instantly scrubbed from the man's head as he realized what was up in the sky. "T-that's…" Spirit stammered, his jaw dropping in a comical manner. "That's a d-double rainbow…"

And so it was. Extending across the sky was a honking double rainbow. Not a regular rainbow, mind you, but a friggin' _double rainbow!_ Spirit fell to his knees in a state of shock.

"Woah… That's a full rainbow…" He breathed, keeping his gaze locked upon the natural phenomenon. "Oh my God, double rainbow all the way…" Spirit gave a few moans of inarticulate pleasure at the sight. He then started to loudly laugh. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Yeah! Whoo! It's starting to look like a triple rainbow! Oh my God, it's full on! Double rainbow all the way across the sky!" Tears of joy started to choke the man's voice. "This is… Oooooh, ho, ho… Oh my God… Oh! It's so bright… Oh my God, it's so very vivid… Oh! Oh! OH!"

At this point, the man descended further into hysteria (assuming that was even possible). "So beautiful…" He couldn't talk anymore, due to how hard he was weeping (note that some of the sobs sounded suspiciously like 'double rainbow'). After a time, Spirit was somewhat able to regain his voice. "Too much… Oh my God, it's so intense…" And too much it was. Spirit swayed on the spot, before falling down on his back. He didn't mind; the double rainbow made everything better. Spirit gave a contented sigh, happily laying on the ground and gazing up at the miracle.

Alas, a boot hit him in the head, promptly knocking him unconscious.

/ / /

"Urf…" Liz moaned, pushing herself up from the mossy floor of the stone alcove that she, Patty, Tsubaki, and Maka had taken refuge in. "H-hey! We made it!"

Maka was the first to respond. "… huh?" She intelligently said. Maka paused, before bolting upright. "Wait… We… We're still alive?"

"Duh!" Patty yelled, rolling off of a shelf in the alcove and onto the floor. "Of course we're alive!" She blinked, before looking at her older sister. "Right?"

"SHUT UP!" Tsubaki roared, emerging from the surrounding forest looking worse for the wear. "S-sorry…" She said, noticing the expressions on her friend's faces. "I'm just having my period right now, and it's giving me a killer headache. Or maybe that's because of the blood lo-"

"MOVING on!" Maka said, hastily cutting the weapon off. "We should probably find Papa. Even if I do hate him, it wouldn't end that well if we can't find him.

Patty walked over to Maka and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Relax, Maka." She said, smiling gently at her friend. "I'm certain that we'll find him! All we have to do is listen for any hysterical screaming."

As if bidden by her statement, Spirit's voice reverberated in the clearing. "MAKA! WHERE ARE Y0u…" The girls frowned, looking at each other.

"Well, Patty…" Liz said, glancing at her younger sister. "Looks like you were right."

Tsubaki clutched her head. "Can't that idiot shut the hell up?" She winced, massaging her temples.

Maka sighed. "Sure… We'll have to knock him out first, though…"

"Sounds like fun!" Tsubaki said, flashing her Slasher Smile. She then started walking in the general direction of where the voice came from. The other girls looked at each other.

"The demon has awoken." Patty intoned. "Death-Scythe is, simply put, fu*ked."

And with that statement, the girls ran off after the psychotic Tsubaki.

/ / /

When Tsubaki stopped, it was so abrupt that her three pursuers crashed into her, one after the other. This caused the brunette to capsize, resulting in all four girls to become entangled, limbs thrashing uselessly.

"Ow!" Maka said, slowly working her way out of the orgy. "What was that fo-" She cut herself off and gaped out at what Tsubaki had seen.

Tsubaki was the next to escape the awkward tangle of bodies. With a battle cry, she exploded upward so fast that the Thompson sister literally flew off of her. The ninja-weapon paid this no heed; rather, she went up and stood beside Maka. "Yes. Horrible, isn't it?"

"TSUBAKI!" Liz roared, dragging a woozy Patty behind her. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW RECKL-" As with Maka, Liz's tirade was stopped in its tracks at what she was witnessing. She worked her mouth for a bit, eventually finding some suitable words. "That… That's just sad…"

Patty, who had recovered by this point, peered out at the drama between Tsubaki's legs (seriously, get 'cho minds out of the gutter, you horny freaks!). Unlike the others, Patty didn't have a catatonic reaction like her friends. Instead, she whipped a camcorder out from behind her and started filming the action. "Hells yeah!" She cheered, punching a fist up into the air. Unfortunately, said fist hit a particularly delicate area (and now toss your minds back into the gutter).

Tsubaki yowled, jumping up in the air. She gasped in pain when she hit the ground, crumpling up into a heap. "Owowowowowwowowow…" She moaned, rocking slightly.

Liz just sighed, before gently lifting Tsubaki up and refocusing her suffering friend's attention on the scene playing out in front of them. "Come on," Liz said in a soothing voice, rubbing Tsubaki's shoulders. "Watching Death-Scythe should help you feel better."

"Oh, deathdamnit…" Maka moaned, flushing furiously and covering her face with her hands. "My loathing of him just quadrupled… Not sure how that's possible, but…"

Patty slowly rose to her feet, still videotaping Spirit's antics. "Oh, double rainbow… This is so rich…"

Just then, Spirit broke down into hysterics. All the girls flinched save for Tsubaki, who had finally snapped. Slowly, the temporarily insane teen reached down, undid her boot's lace, stood up straight, and took aim. And thus, she waited unobserved for the perfect chance to nail the moron. That chance came quite quickly; Spirit had fallen down in ecstasy.

Tsubaki would make sure that he stayed down. Even faster than a cobra striking its prey, the hormonal teen reared back and threw her boot. It sailed through the air, making an ominous whistling noise. With a satisfying hollow thumping, the boot made contact with Spirit's head, instantly rending him unconscious. Tsubaki started to cheer and dance, celebrating the O.H.K.O headshot she had just pulled off.

Patty, Liz, and Maka gasped at the antics of their friend. Well, Maka and Liz did; Patty had turned the camcorder on Tsubaki. None of them spoke for a while, not sure of what the right thing to say. After about three minutes, Maka added her two cents to the matter.

"How're we going to get home now?"

/ / /

Okay, that is a wrap!

And holy crap, this one taxed me! Over three thousand words! Just… Wow. I never thought that any single chapter of this fic would exceed one thousand words…

Anyway, I'm not sure how this turned out. I think I'm going to impose a new rule: I will try my hardest not to write a chapter containing over 1.5 thousand words. I think that anything longer would go from (somewhat) funny to tedious. I think I was able to save this chapter from that fate, but…

On a side note, go me! I just got my driver's license! Huzzah!

Random Audience Member: Nobody cares!

Me: Okay…

Disclaimer 2: I do not own the fourth wall. I also apologize if anybody was offended by this fic. If you were, please forgive me. Yes, this fic is rated 'T,' but that's more due to Soul Eater being more of a pg-13 program. The manga is more of a Rated-R deal. Since this fic draws on both media, it falls somewhere in-between 'T' and 'M.'

Tsubaki: Please review!

Patty: Or you'll be forced to listen to Spirit singing!

Maka: Which is something to be avoided at all costs…

Next Time: Rage! Tempers flare in Death City?


	6. Chapter 6: All the Rage mostly

… I can't think of a witty introduction…

***smacked for calling the introductions witty***

Ah-hem. Today's subject is all about RAGE! RRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

***explodes into a golden aura; proceeded to be killed by DBZ characters for plagiarism***

Warning!: This chapter has a lot of reference to excrement. If your stomach is weak, or you're hungry/eating/just ate, you may want to refrain from reading this chapter for a bit.

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater, Taco Bell, Pokémon and the Nuzlocke Challenge, Tylenol, Pepsi, or Rage Comics. Also, be prepared for massive liberties taken when it comes to human anatomy. The quote below belongs to Mario Puzo, a.k.a author of _The Godfather._

Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment.

/ / /

Shinigami-Sama hummed merrily to himself as he finished brewing a cup of his favorite tea. This was actually a rather common occurrence, as Shinigami-Sama was a primal being fond of simple pleasures. Taking a walk on a pleasant day, going on picnics, stargazing, holing himself up in the school library with a towering stack of books accompanying him, having father-son bonding time (even if Kid acted a bit peculiar…), or drinking tea always made him feel as if all was right in the world.

Today was yet another one of those days. Even though Stein had requested an audience with him about a "pressing medical phenomenon," Shinigami-Sama wasn't all that worried. "_After all…" _He mused to himself, suppressing the feeling that the bespectacled man was staring at him. "_Life's simply too short to fret much about."_

"Thanks for waiting, Stein!" Shinigami-Sama said in his usual, singsong voice, depositing the two mugs of fragrant tea on a table, before sitting down himself. "Now, whatever seems to be the matter?"

Stein's brow furrowed, gazing into the depths of the steaming amber tea placed before him. He then grabbed the mug, swirled the fragrant liquid around for a bit, before taking a small sip. His companion sat in polite silence, knowing that Stein wasn't trying to be rude; rather, he was contemplating whatever issue bothering him. "Well, we both know that the Kishin Asura was defeated exactly two weeks ago…"

Shinigami-Sama nodded his head. "Yes, yes, quite impressive, actually. Maka was able to deal the finishing blow when I couldn't… Hmm, maybe she's using steroids…"

"Like I said, Asura perished two weeks ago," Stein continued, filing 'Put Maka on Steroids' somewhere in the deep, marshy recesses of his freakish brain, "but his madness has yet to be fully purged. Reports of violent weather patterns and crime are falling, yes, but they're still much higher than normal."

Shinigami-Sama took another sip of tea. "Yes, go on…"

"Well, it appears that without Asura's presence, the madness wavelength is unraveling in an unstable manner."

"Falling apart at the seams?"

Stein pushed his glasses up on his nose, causing them to eerily reflect the ambient lighting of the room. "Yes, it's falling apart. What's interesting is that the wavelength seems to want to bind to other wavelengths to try and sustain itself…"

This made Shinigami-Sama blink in confusion. "What? Does that mean that the madness wavelength is never going to go away?"

"Not exactly…" The mad doctor said. "Without the Kishin, the madness wavelength will eventually decay. It's just latching onto other wavelengths to try to delay the unraveling."

Shinigami-Sama clapped his ridiculously oversized hands together. "Well then, what's there to worry about?"

Stein groaned. "Here's the kicker: Another wavelength was mixed in with Asura's own."

"Two wavelengths? What's the other one?"

Stein's face contorted into an expression of pure loathing. "Excalibur's."

"Oh my…"

"Oh my is right… These two volatile wavelengths mixed with each other, producing a relatively harmless, yet incredibly startling, effect amongst those who were infected. It isn't permanent, and it only crops up once, but the effect can be quite distressing."

"How so?" Shinigami-Sama asked, his tea lying forgotten on the table.

Stein stood up and twisted his screw. "As I showed you earlier, Excalibur tends to force all those who encountered him to undergo a facial distortion whenever something triggers memories of the trauma. The madness wavelength made the Holy Sword's wavelength more virulent, causing even those who have never experienced Excalibur to undergo a similar reaction whenever a trigger is, well, triggered. This new wavelength also shows that the facial spasm has been distorted, so now many different facial expressions are possible. And, on rare occasions, this new wavelength can even alter the shape of the sufferer's head."

"Hmm…" Shinigami-Sama said, reflecting on this new bit of information. "And you say that this is definitely not permanent, right?" Stein nodded. "Very well, then. You're free to go, Stein. I'll see if I can do anything to purge the troublesome wavelength…"

As the mad doctor took his leave, Shinigami-Sama continued to sit and sip his tea. After he was sure that Stein was gone, the reaper sighed aloud. "Sometimes I wonder why I even forged Excalibur in the first place*…"

/ / /

Black*Star sat upon his porcelain throne, grunting obscenely as he tried to evacuate his bowels. Now normally, Black*Star had little to no trouble keeping himself regular. However, he and his friends had gone to Taco Bell four days ago after a game of basketball. Patty had challenged the ninja to an eating contest, to which he promptly accepted. He had won by a very narrow margin of one taco, and had been suffering ever since.

"Damnit…" He cursed, his face covered in a sweaty sheen. "It feels like I'm trying to shit a brick wall…" Black*Star got up, only to be floored by another bowel spasm. His face screwed up into a look of pure agony he screamed to make his point. This scream was drowned out by a rather loud splashing noise, causing him to scream again, but in an entirely different sense.

Black*Star then sprang up, laughing raucously at his 'achievement'. "Hya, ha, ha! That'll show you! I, Black*Star, can never be overcome by mere poop!" He pulled down on the toilet's handle, celebrating a victory flush. But when he opened his eyes, the sight in front of him instantly dampened his spirits. Of course, an overflowing toilet tends to be a total buzz kill.

His jaw dropped in horror as something _else_ dropped onto the floor with a sickening _plop!_ For a few minutes, all Black*Star could do was gape at the disaster unfolding right in front of him. Eventually, thought, he managed to express himself. Tilting his head up toward the ceiling, Black*Star's face contorted into an expression of upmost fury as he screamed his rage for all to hear.

"-!"

/ / /

"-and so my Sceptile used Leaf Blade, letting me beat Drake's Salamence by a very narrow margin!" Patty bragged to her friends in the girl's locker room of the DWMA, extremely happy that she was able to beat the Elite Four in her first Nuzlocke. Her friends, of course, knew exactly what she was talking about; every single one of them was a die-hard Pokémon fan.

Maka blinked in amazement. "Wow, you were able to take that monster down without exploiting type weaknesses? I'm impressed! You either knew that, with Sceptile's high special attack, equipped miracle seed, and overgrow ability would kill it, or you were just really lucky."

Patty smiled broadly. "Of course I knew that Molly** would be able to take it down! She's a total beast!"

"Wow, I wish my Blaziken would've done that…" Tsubaki sighed. "I always thought that losing your starter in a Nuzlocke would be painful, but I never expected it to be so… _horrible…_"

Liz put a comforting arm around the brunett. "Yeah, it really sucks… But didn't you have some sort of contingency plan?"

Tsubaki nodded. "Yeah, I bred an egg from Sam so I would still have the ability to use a Blaziken… It didn't really help ease the pain, though…"

Suddenly, a wild, nameless, token O.C appeared! She bent over slightly, frowning at the gaggle of girls. "Ain't you all a bit too old for Pokémon?"

There was an ominous pause, as our favorite, non-OC heroines processed the blasphemy the token character uttered. Then, as one, the girl's faces turned into a frightening face; one with sharp-relief angles, flailing hair, and eyes blazing dramatically with an unhallowed light. "AIN'T YOU A BIT TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"

And with that, the token O.C voided herself from sheer terror.

/ / /

Once again, Marie was in the school's staff bathroom, a disgruntled Azusa at her side. "Marie, I don't see why I have to come in here with you…"

Marie blinked (winked? It's so hard to tell with that eye patch) in astonishment, before snapping her head around to face Azusa. "You've got to be kidding me! Do you _know _what happens to girls who go to the bathroom alone?"

"No. Please, enlighten me." Azusa deadpanned, crossing her arms.

"Well, let's see now…" Marie placed her fist under her chin in an obvious thinking pose. "Ginny got abducted, Myrtle was murdered, Katie was cursed, and who could forget that Hermione was attacked by a troll!"

Azusa facepalmed. "Marie…" She started, wishing she had some Tylenol right now. "Harry Potter is _fictional_. None of those things will happen to you if you go alone."

"Fiction is based in reality." Marie quipped, causing her friend to get an even larger headache.

The duo lapsed into silence, with Marie washing her hands and Azusa rummaging in her purse for the Tylenol.

"Do you think I'll ever get a husband?"

_"Oh, dear sweet Death…" _Azusa thought, causing her to feel like her skull was going to explode. _"I thought she was over this, I thought she was over this, I thought wrong! Oh, why must she ruminate about this!"_

Deciding to humor her friend, Azusa said, "Eventually."

This, of course, triggered the troublesome wavelength. Azusa's face turned into a crude black-and-white circle, with a few wavy lines expressing the eyebrows, two dots for the eyes, and a poorly concealed grin. Above her, bright red letters spelled out "BAD POKER FACE," for some unfathomable reason.

Marie, upon observing this, had a rather bad reaction. Her head became grotesque, swelling up to massively disproportional dimensions compared to the rest of her body. Her face became horribly disfigured, with sharp, angular lines everywhere, except for the chin, which looked somewhat like a pair of testicles. Marie's eye(s?) had sunken in, with two long streams of tears pouring out of them. Her mouth was stretched in an impossible grin, bearing hideous teeth. In a deep, croaking, bullfrog-like voice, Marie voiced her thoughts.

"Forever Alone."

With a sharp snapping noise, the females returned to normal. Azusa blinked, taking in her friend's (and her own) features, making sure that they were back to normal. When she was satisfied that everything had returned to normal (more or less), Azusa spoke. "Well, sounds like you can still get cursed, even if you don't go alone… Tylenol, perchance?"

Marie groaned and held out her hand. "Yes, please."

/ / /

Soul grumbled, punching the vending machine in front of him. He had been doing this for well over a minute, trying to get the soda he so rightfully deserved. Well, he didn't put any money in, but he still deserved a Pepsi after that horrid mission.

"_After all," _he thought bitterly. "_That Kishin was tough as hell… I couldn't believe it when Maka was finally able to cut through him… Wait…"_

Soul's red eyes gleamed ominously, grinning his shark-tooth smile at the vending machine. "Wait a moment… Death Scythes have the ability to manipulate their forms, so…" The teen's left arm glowed a bluish-white, elongating into the familiar scythe blade. Soul screwed up his face in concentration, trying to force his scythe blade to become quarter-shaped. It took a lot of effort on the Death Scythe's part, but Soul eventually managed to form a quarter-like protrusion at the tip of his scythe.

Soul's grin stretched a bit wider, giving him a psychotic appearance. Slowly, the teen pushed his modified blade into the machine, and then looked up at the little screen that displayed how much money was put into it at a time. He let out a war-whoop, preforming a victory dance that would even make Spirit feel ashamed.

Four repetitions later, Soul had enough money to buy his well-deserved Pepsi. On a whim, seconds after he made his drink selection, the teen pressed the coin return button on the machine's side. A somewhat loud rumbling noise was heard, before the plastic Pepsi bottle shot out of the machine with a loud clatter. Soul paused, listening for the sound of quarters hitting. He frowned, before giving a slight shrug. "Ah, well… I got what I came for…"

Soul bent down to grab the Pepsi bottle, but hesitated when he saw what was in the vending space. He blinked, before donning a shit-eating grin. "Is that…?" He pulled his soda and the mystery object up to his face, which was a fifty-dollar bill.

Without warning, Soul's clothes suddenly turned into a suit. He tossed his head back, revealing that it had aged by about thirty-eight years. His hair was slicked back, and he had a pencil moustache. This sudden transformation was ignored by the teen as he uttered a victory cry.

"AAAAWWWW YYYEEEAAAHHH!"

/ / /

Aaaaaand, we'll end there.

Yes, sorry, I exceeded the "1.5 thousand word limit" last chapter, but I just got a whole head of steam worked up about this, so… Yeah, I couldn't really stop myself.

Ah, well, I think it turned out rather nicely. And if you're wondering why I included the conversation between Shinigami-Sama and Stein, well… I felt like it would be better to have the characters themselves explain this chapter's (almost nonexistent) plot then if I did it in the beginning A.N.

Next Time: LAZOR! Ragnarok has a new attack?

Stein: *drags on a cigarette * Review please. They provide me with interesting research material.

Shinigami-Sama: You do realize that you're going to die from your smokes, right? Have some tea; it's full of antioxidants!

*As far as I know, that did not happen in canon. I would also say the same for fanon, but I have no idea about what runs through our/your/their heads.

**Almost all Nuzlockers name their 'mons. This is considered to be the "third rule," coming after the "if it faints, it dies" rule and the "catch the first thing in each new area" rule.


End file.
